NINE
We were out on the street and I pulled myself sharply away from him. "Garth!" I yelled.
"I know! I know! But this'll be easy as piss. They're not gonna hurt us."
"They hurt me," Cowboy said sullenly from behind us.
"Yeah, but look at him- he's human!" Garth gave me a cool glance and the turned back to Cowboy. "Closest we've got to one, anyway. They're hardly gonna pull him if he's not a vamp, are they? It'll look better if we've got a human on deck. We could just send them off."
"Garth, please," I said, my voice scratchy. My heart was hammering. "I don't want to get into any fights. I barely even know what's going on."
"There's not gonna be a fight. Just follow my lead, and we'll be home clear, you understand?" His voice softened. "It'll be the easiest thing."
Characters in a book. Characters in a book. I wished Vincent was here.
"Hunters... as in vampire hunters?" I asked slowly.
"Is he a bit thick?" Cowboy asked, and Garth swatted him before turning back to me.
"Yes, funny man, vampire hunters. Teeth-pullers. Dentists. But no big deal- probably just chavvies who have had one too many drinks and are looking for a scrap for the holidays."
"They stuck me," Cowboy said. "They smelled like booze."
"Well, we're gonna de-escalate and send them home, Cowboy- you lead the way." The little kid shrugged and walked in front of us. We followed.
I took a deep breath and we followed. No big deal was what Garth had said. I could manage. It would be like a crit back in university: debate, parry, change their minds. Send them home without a fight. "Ok," I said. "Ok, what do I do."
"We're just gonna go and talk to them, is all."
"So there's no... I mean, no one will get hurt, right?"
"They tried to kill me!" Cowboy thundered.
"No, dude. No hurting if we can avoid it. You saw us back there, just a group of friends watching scary videos. We're sound, don't mean anyone any harm. We've never drank anyone. Well... Cowboy hasn't."
"I'm clean," Cowboy said. "Tee-total. And they still shivved me."
"Have you ever... drank anyone?" I asked Garth.
He rubbed his head roughly as we followed Cowboy down the street, his fingers pulling at every bristle, like he was trying to scrub himself clean. "Yeah, I've done it," he said brusquely. "But it was a different time back then." He looked at me with quiet fury in his eyes, something righteous and indignant. For a moment, he reminded me of Vincent. "There's so much more to this world than you know. So much more than good and evil, right and wrong, even real and fiction. You've gotta have guilt, and horror, and violence. It's necessary. The world wouldn't work without it. But you don't understand, do you?""I think... I think i'm starting to get it," I said quietly.
So, we walked through the dead housing estate. I had seen no people on my walk up Cooper Grange, and certainly didn't see anyone now. I could hear nothing but the snow, and the unsteady clang of my heartbeat. I was wondering if I was still any good at improv.
"There they are!" Cowboy exclaimed, pointing further up the street. Three men, bulky shapes in puffer jackets, stood in the snow, their faces cast in shadow by the streetlamps behind them. "Right, well," Cowboy turned on his heels and ran past us, back the way we had come. "See ya!" he yelled.
"Oh, God!" I mumbled, clutching my head.
"Cool it," Garth muttered, and took me by the arm, leading me forward. "Hi there!" he called to them. "We don't want any trouble, but we couldn't help but notice that you stuck our friend there."
A murmur passed between the three men, and one stepped forward. His face was covered by a surgical mask, but his breaths came through it in hot puffs.
"Is he a hostage?" the dentist asked.
"No, he's my friend," Garth nudged me. "Why don't you introduce yourself."
"I'm his friend," I said, my voice wavering. The two dentists in the back shot each other a look, and one reached into his pocket. I straightened up, and said it again with more conviction. "I'm their friend."
"Why would someone like you befriend beasts?" the first dentist asked.
I felt my face flush with indignation. "They're not beasts, they're... decent people," I chose my words carefully now. Characters in a book would know just what to say. I wanted, desperately, someone to feed me my lines. Garth edged around behind me. "They're just having a party. A get-together, like. They want you to go away."
"We will not suffer beasts to live," one at the back snarled, but the first raised a hand to silence him. The plier-holder, I was guessing. Their leader. The two in the back were definitely the knives.
"We're here for teeth, and then we'll go." the plier dentist told me.
"They don't eat people!" I argued. "They've done nothing wrong... And besides," a flash of quick thinking overtook me: "they're already pulled."
I gestured Garth to step forward stepping forward, and he hooked his finger around his lip and pulled it back to reveal the gaps in his smile. The dentists in the back began a muttered conversation. Garth piled on the charm, adding to the story I had already started. "They sent us out, the friendly ones, to see if we could just get on with our party without a fuss."
"You'd really stand with them?" the dentist said to me.
"Yeah," I replied. "Yes. I'd much prefer to be on this side." I hoped that he couldn't see me sweat from where he was standing. "Don't make this a bigger problem than it has to be- you can still go home." I thought about all the negotiation scenes I had read in my hard-boiled detective novels, now stuck through with mould. Perhaps this conversation, too, would quickly turn rotten. I let my fear bolster my willingness to make this little interaction end as quickly as it could, and fixed the dentist with a steely glare.
"You're vouching for them," the dentist said, and reached a hand into his pocket. Garth stiffened as he pulled out the pliers.
I stepped forward quickly. "Enjoy the night. Leave us be. You don't want this."
The dentist looked at me, and I willed my stomach not to play tricks as I stared back. He was the first to look away, turning back to his two friends. The trio bowed their heads, exchanging words between themselves that came fast and that I couldn't catch. I looked at Garth, and he grinned at me, winking, as my resolve faltered and I staggered. He caught me, propped me up, as the dentist turned back to us and nodded. He pointed his pliers at me. "On your head be it," he said, and the trio turned, and walked away through the snow.
Garth laughed silently and clapped his hand, turning to me and, before I could stop him, giving me two rough kisses on either cheek. "Oh funny man! That does it. Oh, you were just great! Great!" He pulled me back in the direction of the house and slack-jawed, I let him support me.
"What'd I do?" I said blearily.
"Man," Garth said cheerfully. "I didn't want to worry you, but there was a huge chance we could have died there."
"You said it was no big deal!?"
"Yeah, and you acted like it wasn't, and what do you know! We blagged it, and off they scarpered. Dentists are insane, you realise that? I mean, they stabbed Cowboy in the middle of the street! They don't care, they're doom-heads! Oh, but you gave them pause. They weren't expecting you! Ha!"
"I didn't do anything," I said weakly.
Garth clapped me on the back. "Exactly, man, exactly! Nothing more dangerous than a fellow human. Vamps, they can understand. Monsters, they can kill. They hate ambiguity, though. Oh, funny man..." I let myself be virtually carried down the street, still not fully understanding what had just happened, or the danger we had been in. I felt faint.
Garth got me back to the house. Inside, people cowered under tables, and hid behind the sofa. Teddy brandished a rolling pin, but lowered it when he saw it was us. Fearful, wet glances were shared. Not exactly what I had pictured when I implied danger to the dentists.
"Eat well and eat in his honour, everyone! The hunters are gone and it's all thanks to our Prince Charming here! Liaised with the dentists and scared them off. God, he was off-putting, you should have seen it." Garth grabbed my hand and raised it above our head. He yelled out a cheer, and eventually, others joined in. Vampires crawled out from corners and the music was put back on. I was led through the crowd and people clapped me on the back.
"I need to sit down," I whimpered, and Garth led me back to the kitchen, lowering me to the floor. Everyone's shouts and cheers as opposed to their faces of terror from before now had me realising the severity of the situation. It was that serious to them. Only three men, and it was that serious.
"We could have died, and I didn't know any better," I moaned, my face in my hands.
"I'm sorry," Garth said, rubbing my shoulder.
"I'm not meant to die here. I'm meant to die at home, in the bath."
"That's why Vince was taking you along with him?" Garth asked gently. I nodded. He slumped and sat down alongside me. The party next door reached new heights as the TVs were turned back on.
"What am I doing here?" I asked.
"You're looking for Vince. You're gonna give him his camera back."
"I don't know where he is. I barely understand him."
Garth mumbled something sympathetic. Dime came into the kitchen. "Is he alright?" they asked, but Garth shushed them.
"Who's Newmaker?" I asked Dime, who looked at Garth.
"Ah, might as well tell him," Garth said. "I don't normally trade in other people's secrets, but what the hell, you're a dead man, right Prince Charming?"
Dime slid down onto the floor beside us and whispered conspiratorially. "I heard they were old lovers, him and Vincent-"
Garth cut him off. "No, no, that's not right. I heard Vince killed his family."
"Vincent doesn't kill people," I muttered.
"Well, in any case, they know each other from way back." Dime said. "Newmaker's like us- he's not human, but he wants to be, he tries to be. He can't give it up, his old human life. He can almost pass, but it kills him. He blames Vincent for it, for some reason, hates him. He's been out to get Vincent for years. He takes his old work and he just... destroys it. He wants to kill every part of Vincent before working up to the real thing. And I didn't know any of this when I sold the guy the tape."
"What was on the tape?" I said, sitting up. By God, I was going to get something out of this.
Dime shifted uncomfortably. "It was an old one. It was Vincent, back before he did the job he does now."
"He starred in it?"
"Yeah. Cutting himself."
I sat back and let that information sink in. "I have to find him," I said again, to Dime, to anyone that was listening, But then a thought plunged me back into anxiety. "What if those dentists come back?"
"Won't bother us," Dime said.
"It's not our house," Garth added.
I didn't bother asking. "Right," I simply said.
They said something to each other that I didn't hear, couldn't hear, and then stood. I allowed myself to be pulled up, and they guided me through the house. A cheer rose up as I was led through the front room. I couldn't even find it in me to give a weak smile. Dime and Garth pulled me upstairs. No one was up here. They opened one door, but it turned out to be the bathroom. The next one was a bedroom, pristine and untouched. The pair lay me down on the bed and sat in the room with me. I curled up into a ball, as small as I could possibly be. Slowly, they began to whisper to each other, and I fell asleep not even trying to decipher what was being said.